Here’s to the men that I have loved.A truth carved out in prismic hues, stained poetic blues bound in hoops. Here’s a toast to the men that broke my heart.A reckoning now my sweet reality, experience dawned through these lines. From the lines on my skin, down to curves on my body, the pain and truth apart of a chant that once cited emotional descent now told in poetry, not specifically defined – short, tall, fat, rich, poor, intelligent, educated men not segregated by race, creed or ethnicity. Here’s to you:
To the black guise with an esteem issue. The man that walked with a cuff, moved with a chain. Used a part of my heart to imprison me, culminating to emotional distress and heartbreak because he wanted to control me. A man who strutted the sidewalks like a black knight, afraid of his own shadow, playing detective by day, taking up the role of a sniffer dog by night- Controlling me, using his own insecurities to govern his actions and keep me on a leash. A weak man who couldn’t control himself. Thank you, for your insecurities and control issues made me stronger.
To the hustler who believed his life purpose was to ameliorate his empire. A man who couldn’t practice what he preached. A piece of mahogany whose only talent was stained in lip service and traces of ice. A man who thought that he’d buy me, oblivious to the fact that i am priceless and a woman of integrity. A shaming I couldn’t fathom, for love cannot be bought. Thank you for building me, giving me strength to hustle to my cause…
To the Godly soul who believed that he was holier than thou. A man who envisioned a seat next to Jesus, emulating priesthood, posing baseless judgments and societal labels but only a fly by night. Royalty wouldn’t accept your defeat to conquer me. A woman shamed through the ways of this world, he said. A societal stooge, a myopic rigid man who couldn’t handle my differences, trying to change me. Hiding behind scripture, afraid of his inconsistencies. Thank you for enlightening me, brother. Lighting my path through this world, your candle still burns in my backyard.
To the intelligent man who was keen on philosophy. A man who cited information from the books he read, reciting words based on other people’s experiences, inciting an indifference now woven in stereotypes. Thinking he knows all about women. Using what he thinks he knows to analyze me. A complex through his physical facade, baseless facts to compliment his thoughts but not a valiant gentleman for the strong, intelligent woman in me. A man who couldn’t recognize my strength, insightful enough to know that women are not all the same. Thank you, Scholar for making me realize my strength and potential as a woman.
To the broken man with a negative perception. A man streaming through societal perceptions, so quick to use words like gold digger, whore, slut and bitch. A crumbling apart of his wounds, for a life lived in turmoil – picking up women in clubs and prostitutes. Defined by disappearing acts, too afraid to show a bit of respect. A call lover with one foot outside the door- indecisive, unreliable, insecure and weak. An emotional freak with psychotic tendencies who wouldn’t acknowledge loyalty and respect. A man who couldn’t see beyond his consistencies, a beautiful, honest woman. Thank you for showing me that i deserve so much better than you.
To the men who didn’t make it. Probably still defined by weak fronting and stunts Sprinkling game dust on their carnal guts Stuck in hype, still trying to define themselves. Men diagnosed with a mental impotence- thinking that it’s all about good looks, the size of his phallus and the weight of his wallet- Products of vanity talking lame stuff, doing average shit without taking blame for their mistakes. Afraid of coming off weak, Men defined by their ego- Games, booty calls and bitch ass traits- Yes, I am talking about the bitch ass dudes Always whining and ranting- griping about whatever.
There is a reason you didn’t make it. There is a reason why this carnal fortress is the epitome of your distress at the midnight hour. A cause for inquisition and mystery- Or doubt and hate bleeding from your skin for a woman you couldn’t have. Wondering why you couldn’t have her. A woman defined by her integrity and strength, A woman with respect and so much love. Facts that still get you wondering, inquiring, and angry. Things you couldn’t see and appreciate Because you kept your shades drawn to only see booty and pretty faces instead of opening your heart to see the Woman in me. A woman with a beautiful soul.
Here’s to the men i have loved: To the men who have built me, taught me the meaning of love, companionship, trust, loyalty and respect. To the men that made me understand the meaning of pain, anger, disappointment and disrespect. You helped this Queen see and appreciate good men. Thank you for preparing me for a man that’s truly deserved, a husband. Cheers to you, and you you!