The year is ending. She’s survived another year
with him. A new moon beckons; summoning the
harsh reality of 2016. That will be 10 years since
he proposed to marry her. Yet she still clutches
on to hope like straws, keeping the faith and
hoping that someday he’ll marry her.
Painful memories linger in her awake-ness as she
recalls all the lies and promises that he made, the
waiting time as he put her on a pedestal and used
his job, finances and house as a scapegoat. Buying
time to hide his inconsistencies. It’s hard to plan a
future when you’re dodging bullets.
She was blind to his words of treachery. Believing
everything he said and falling at his feet like a loyal
dog. Time must have veered off as he spoke of
forever, filling her mind with dreams. Wasted years
slipped through her fingers as he made empty
promises. She was always making excuses for him,
justifying his controversial behavior. Dodging her
family who had started questioning her relationship.
Defending an uncertain relationship built on lies.
Believing a non-existent future with him.
She was afraid of losing him and being alone.
The fear of dating again, made her uncomfortable.
She held on to the common adage, “Better the devil
you know than the angel you know nothing about”.
She was stuck on rusted loyalty and a crumbling
home, while he lied, and cheated on her. Caressing
fleeting shadows, a slave to unrealistic plans. A victim
of fate’s sick joke, a mockery of the biological clock.
She wanted to have children and start a family with him.
While she waited, he made plans with another woman.
Defending a fact she thought would fade. Dismissing
evidence because of a faith she had in him. Tolerating
and enabling his indecisiveness, slow decisions and
conflicted thoughts. Playing jury to a lost cause.
The year is ending; his wedding plans are now finalized.
He’s getting married to a woman he has only known
for a few months and she’s pregnant. Vanishing years
of woe, the stings of pain and regret all over her mind
and heart. Aching pains all over her body, wrinkles on
her skin more prominent now. She is angry and bitter.
Recalling all the potential suitors she turned down while
waiting for him. Years on birth control and countless
abortions because he’d printed the idea of a family after
marriage in her mind. Remembering all the friends and
acquaintances she ditched in order to focus on him.
Painful memories of the advice she dismissed because
she believed everything he said and trusted him.
She wasted her time in a broken relationship with no future.
She waited for a marriage that didn’t come.
She prepared him to marry another woman.