Losing Myself, Finding Myself.

Life is a masquerade party, a play

of mimes.

Like a game of cards, there are losers

and winners and i was not winning

in this game.

 

The stakes were high and i didn’t

read the rules.

I ignored the red flags in the cynosure

of our eyes.

I didn’t understand the bet, so i

submerged my identity beneath a new

persona that gravitated towards him.

I allowed him to breathe new life into

me and dictate the way i lived my life.

I served him a tasty plate of my

uniqueness and the woman i used to

be disappeared internally and somehow

my individuality got stored in a mental

shelf.

Somewhere in between  loving myself

and loving him too much, i got tangled

in the passage of time and lost myself.

 

My whole world rotated around him

and i viewed myself through his eyes.

His opinion of me was like powder

foundation and make-up concealer

carefully smudged to hide my blind

spots – neatly placed over my

imperfections and insecurities.

His words shaped my thoughts and

perceptions as i became a mirrored

image of him in the eyes of society.

I succumbed to my owns fears and

insecurity and became the woman

i despised.

 

 

I found myself on the lonely, weary

road of depression and near insanity;

crying at the junction between my

conscience and self consciousness as

i rummaged through the remains in

my mind.

I stood helpless as the wind blew the

pages of my emotional encyclopedia,

reminding me of my loss.

 

I allowed myself to drown in an illusion

and i lost myself in the process of loving

him that when he left, i thought my world

was over.

 

The world breathed clarity that beautiful

sunny day, ushering in a wave of sweet

epiphanies.

I found a new feeling of self worth as the sun

caressed my skin and the wind whispered

my name in a prelude, in reference to love.

The loss i felt dissipated to nothingness as i

looked o’er my shoulder and voila!

Beyond the horizons… my hopes, dreams

and opportunities leapt for joy.

I was pleased because i understood what

it all meant.

It  reminded me of my gift, and uniqueness-

a powerful woman with a rich identity who

no one can control.

 

I was like the phoenix bird, rising out of the

fire and reclaiming my identity, owning

my sense of individuality as a Spoken

word poet.

More than a woman, much more than my

mistakes and imperfections, more than

just a pretty face and curvy body.

 

 

©FloetryC 2016

beauty

 

 

 

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Author: AfroetryC

I am an African woman and a mother to a precious little angel. I love to use the term "Afro-floetic Queen" mostly to describe my poetry and my roots. I love poetry...art, soul music and inspirational bits of knowledge to offer advice and counseling to those who need it. I can be very witty, straight forward but fun. Ha. ha... A colorful perception of the world - expressed in my poetry. I want to inspire people with my Poetry...give them hope, while also advising them. Life is a learning process and i am happy when one of my pieces directly affects or inspires one of my readers. Let's take a detour around experience, and let me fill your minds with sweet poetic juices.... Note: Just changed my user name from FloetryC to AfroetryC because the latter is more personal and describes my Spoken Word Poetry better.

5 thoughts on “Losing Myself, Finding Myself.”

  1. Sister/Queen love this poem. It’s like you looked into my soul. We as women easily become the reflections of the man we love only to lose them and ourselves at the same time. But it is the struggle to return to who we are that’s the hardest to regain. If we let GOD allow us to find the one that is our true reflections as he is ours too, it is a beautiful thing. Felt this one truly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad that you could connect with it. Many times, we lose ourselves in loving someone and neglect our very essence, individuality and our goals, ambitions and much more. In the process of this, we eventually succumb to pain, sadness and loneliness. It’s important not to lose your identity loving another. Individuality, identity are important in relationships. Always best to be with someone who allows you to be yourself and compliments your character and personality. This piece is reflective of my experience. And God is everything. We should seek him always for guidance. Thank you again, Queen. Always beautiful sharing with you. Much Love. 😍

      Like

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